Solitary trees, if they grow, grow strong.

Even though I have lots of loving people around me, I tend to feel like I lead a solitary life. It seems that people love to talk to me, but I don't do much of the talking. Then when I do talk I find it hard to get out what I want to say, or get cut off or prefer to keep things to myself. I hate going through the day, by myself, talking to people but not talking about anything. Constant chatter around me. I'm so used to listening now. I listen all day long. And the worst part of it is that I wait to be asked things about my day, or what's going on in my life. I just wait. I'm sick of waiting, but I'm sick of trying to get things in when there is a second. So I just wait, hoping.
I just had a realization... I am constantly frustrated. Sometimes it's a little, sometimes it's constant and annoying. But I feel I am always, to a degree, frustrated. And the ironic thing about that?haha Is that that frustrates me!!hahaha I just can't win! Oh man, that makes me laugh. I'm frustrated about being frustrated. Lord help me. I am annoying.haha


I've been trying to work on Christmas gifts. My sister wants a bunch of different kinds of cowls. I have about.... 3 or 4 started but none finished. One just needs some fixings like a button or two. I'm making a blanket for Aaron which is coming along nicely. I like how it is looking so far. It's in blocks, so I'm nervous about sewing them all together. Last time I did a blanket like this it was very wonky on the bottom. But with this blanket I'll be able to add little blocks without it looking crazy, because it's all different shaped blocks. So yay. My sister said I should make some boxes and basket type things for my Mom. I want to make a beret for my Grandma. A hat for my cousin. A blanket for Ryan. I have no idea what to make for my Father. I'd love to make him something he can use... but I just have no idea! Any ideas, people? Please :( haha

Tomorrow kicks off Army/Navy weekend down in Philly! I've been looking forward to it since last years Army/Navy weekend.haha I was REALLY looking forward to it starting in September when Aaron said he would come. I'd been planning things for us to do out in the city, so that he wouldn't be bored or whatever since he wasn't going to the game. But unfortunately some issues came up and he wont be able to come. :( Work and all that kind of stuff, not relationship issues.haha So I'm extremely bummed. I was really, really looking forward to spending it with him. :( I don't want to talk about it anymore though... I'm sad and guess what! Frustrated. Ahhh I better end this before I get more sad. I have to go pack too. :(


Have a great weekend, my friends!

Le sigh.

Can I just tell you something real quick? Just real quick... ready?


I am so in love with this boy. He doesn't even realize*. But I try my best to show him each and every day. I'm so thankful. So blessed.


*I am making him a blanket for Christmas though. He's GOT to realize that is love.

One Week.

For one week do you think you could keep your emotions to yourself? If someone asks you how you are doing, you always answer with something positive yet not too positive?

I find myself saying "I'm fine" a lot even if I'm good or not so good.

And let me tel you this.... I can be a completely irrational person inside. Well on the outside too I guess, but on the inside for sure. I keep things to myself, then I get made when people don't ask? Or when people don't say enough if I by chance I do tell them something about how I'm feeling. I'm completely irrational in thinking that people will respond to things the way I would. I mean come on, people can't be that good. :P j/j Really though, I don't know how to stop putting expectations on people. Does that ever get better? Does it get worse? It's something I've always dealt with... hold on let me think.

Ok maybe I answered my own question. I think it has gotten better. I've been trying not to expect so much from others in the past years. Really, who gets hurt when YOU put expectations on OTHERS? Especially high ones. I have high expectations, people. I try to keep them in check, though. So that's good.

What was my point to this? Hmm... I lost it, but I just came up with another. Maybe I should have higher expectations for myself. I place them on others, why not more on me? I'm going to try. Maybe this week will be my week of try outs. It's also convenient that tomorrow is Hump Day and the week is coming to an end. :P


In other news:

-Had another wonderful weekend with Aaron. I've always saw his work ethic, but it's really becoming very evident as it now affects my life. And I have to say, I'm really proud of him. He works really hard to get ahead. It makes me feel guilty for a few reasons that I'm not going to get into right now. I really like being in his realm, I guess you could say. I feel like he's extended himself in many different directions and with different people, so to be inside it all is nice. It's hard to expand on that idea because I just came up with it. (Work it, Bridget!)

-My Mom made me her version of a yarn bell. Here are some pictures:





I'm using it tonight as I work on Aarons blanket. It's really nice!! I have to start winding my yarn, I think. For anyone who might read this, do you wind your yarn? If so, how or with what? I like the design she did.haha It's fun. A meadow sky scene on the top, and an underwater scene on the bottom. Very creative!

Other news.... other news... Oh, I got an 86 on my Psych of the Exceptional Learner midterm. I was nervous for it, but it turned out easier than I thought. So that's good! I think I got the same score on my Visual Basic midterm, too. It was right around 86.

Well I guess I should end this and go to sleep. I was so tired earlier today, but now thinking about going to sleep without Aaron next to me is kind of sad! I hope I'm not too into this man, but I do love him.haha So get off my back. :)

Have a great Wednesday!

Honey

I've been seeing this guy the past month. He is pretty great and he found me completely randomly which makes things kind of crazy! I'll get into that some other time.
The point of this post is something he said to me while we were lying down the other night. We were joking around and I forget what I said but it was something about never having sex ever and he said loudly, "What?! This is an adult relationship, honey!"
It was so funny and so cute and it makes me laugh hearing his voice in my head say it. But he's totally right. This is, I think, my first adult relationship.
The last guy I was in a relationship with was Nic. It feels different from that and that relationship was a serious one. He wanted me to move to Germany with him. Sheesh can you imagine if that worked? I don't know if I ever could have really gone through with it. Freaking Germany! Way too far away from everything I love here. I'd love to visit, but not live. Also his family was nuts!haha
That was one of the worst weeks ever, in regards to happy things. I mean it's weird. The first time I met Nic, when I looked into his eyes the first thought I had in my mind was "I'm going to marry this guy." But thank goodness that never went any further. That was my first initial feeling, but it didn't exactly stay there. I thought I could when really I was just trying to believe it. I was just trying to prolong it, thinking this was the best I had in store for me. Thinking this was the greatest guy ever.
Little did I know almost two years later Aaron would come barreling into my life.

I'm afraid of things, naturally. I've never really been in this place before and I hope it doesn't go away as quickly as it showed up. That would be awful! I can't imagine things without him and you can't make me! :P Even though I have thought about it before.
I don't know why but I have this problem with people where if we get into a fight I think they are going to completely up and leave on me. So if I have a problem in my head and it's bothering me, I get scared to bring it up because I'm afraid they'll leave. I wonder what that means?
There are too many "I"s in this blog so far.
He is amazing. One of the funniest people I know. So kind and caring. I think he deserves the best.

It just so happens that I call myself "the best" on a regular basis. :)