Friday, May 16, 2008

Is there a sign on my back?

Granted, I haven't had a boyfriend since last January.
Granted, I haven't had 'relations' since last May.

But I'll be damned if I let someone offer to fly me to where they are so that we can have sex.

Three guys in the past 4 months have offered to fly me to where they are under no pretenses. They want to have sex. Trust me, I've gotten the explicit text messages and IMs.

Do I really seem like that kind of girl? Even with the Granted items above, I like to think I'm better than that. Did I mention these three guys are very good friends of mine? They are spread out across the country in various stages of deployment.... but I can't do that.

This last one has me more upset. I have had a big crush on this guy for over a year. It started at the end of my last relationship. His home is about 2 hours from mine but he doesn't live 'home'. He's stationed in Tennessee. He was home, however, a few weeks ago. Did he call or want to hang out? Negatory. What about when we were both in the same city for a big event. His text messages were working but not his phone? How does that work? We had made plans to find time to meet up. I hadn't seen him since July. Buuut when the time came he was in a very loud bar and couldn't come out to find me? I was actually in front of that very loud bar waiting for him to tell me where he was. But he didn't. So what am I to think really? After those instances and more smaller instances, what am I to think other than I am a friend of convenience. I am a friend when he needs one. I am a friend to send him letters in Ranger school. He even said besides his parents I was the only one to send him anything. Because I was the only one to ask him what his address is down there? Probably.

I will not be some ones friend of convenience. Which also means I will not be someones personal rag doll because that some one is horny.

I'd really like to think I am better than that.

And guess what.

I am.

You just have no idea how hard it is to be "better than that". Especially when for over a year you've thought about the very thing you are saying no to.

It's not easy being a girl with morals.


Kevin said...

Thank you for being a girl with morals! They are sooo hard to find lately.

Stitch-n-Snitch said...

Yay to the girl with morals!!

I just started reading your blog, and I LOVE it.